We won't sleep together?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My ass is underappreciated
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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