Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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