Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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