I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
