I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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