i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
