So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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