I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I understand Curling. That high.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's blow job season.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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