u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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