Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
