Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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