It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
