i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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