and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
