You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
