We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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