I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
