i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
