So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
