I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sorry about my life...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
