I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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