he referred to my room as the tit cave...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
