Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
