I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I currently don't understand fingers.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
