so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
