I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
