Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
