My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
