No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
