its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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