At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
