Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
