I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
