My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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