Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Naked Twister starts at high noon
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
