member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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