Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
