Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
