So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
