So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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