The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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