i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
