so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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