Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize