Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
