You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
