the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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