I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
