and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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