OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
