I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do vagina's smell?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
