you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
