The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
