i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it's like iHOP with fire
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
