She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
