wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
