phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
