Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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