Well douche your snatch and let's go!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
