Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
