I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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