Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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