I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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