I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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